I’m reliably informed that fear is a key part of the creative process but there are undoubtedly times when you begin to wonder whether the fear is simply your minds way of telling you not to do something. This is exactly how I’ve felt about this momentous film project of mine for several months now and quite frankly it’s exhausting.
Naturally it makes you examine what is it you’re really afraid of and what it ultimately boils down to is a fear of failure. What if I dont raise enough funds to make it? What if the film shoot is a disaster? What if I pull everything together and get on set and realise I don’t know what I’m doing and I’ve got a full cast and crew behind me coming to the same realisation? What if we make the film but it’s awful and people mock it mercilessly? What if I simply can’t handle the stress and pressure of it all and quit and then everyone knows that I’m a failure. Actually spelling these fears out is quite enlightening as it makes you realise that most of these fears are relatively irrational. If I don’t raise enough funds then we adapt the film to fit the budget we do have. Yes there may be moments on set when I get overwhelmed but this isn’t my first drama shoot and I’m surrounded by an amazing cast and crew who I’ve worked with many times before. Of course the finished film will be criticised. But surely it’s better to have something to criticise than nothing at all?
Thankfully, I’ve also got a great support network of family and friends who believe in me and are constantly giving me words of encouragement and are helping to make this film a reality. Most of them tell me how exciting the project is. My usual response is to tell them how terrifying it is. That’s slowly changing and the level of excitement in me has started to rise.
What I love about this dilemma is the fact that the main protagonist of the film, Amy, is going through the exact same thing. What if she hasn’t got what it takes to fly solo? What if she simply gives up? What will people think of her if she fails?
The best thing someone said to me recently was that nothing worth doing is ever easy. This hasn’t been an easy journey so far but that must somehow mean it’s going to be worth it. Right?